I should begin by explaining that my husband and I began living together well before we were married. We moved in together rather early in our relationship in January of 2007. I can't speak for my husband but at the time I was 21 and living in Chicago. I guess I viewed myself as a passionate liberal which, at the time, I don't think I would have had a problem admitting that I wasn't quite sure what that meant, haha. Looking back, I was more going with the crowd as opposed to gaining knowledge as a basis to my own views. So there I was, being modern, doing what everyone was doing because, let's face it, times had changed and it was completely common for couples to move in together before marriage. I mean, I had told my mom this enough times to know it was the truth.
June 13, 2009 we were married and, soon after, went back to our already established life together.
A few months ago we decided to be Christians, lead Christian lives and to raise our daughter in a Christian home. Becoming something other than what you were before brings about a whole new outlook on life and, for me, a great deal of understanding. I have recently discussed with others the importance of marriage and cohabiting - in that order and in relation to the Bible.
In discussing these topics I immediately recall when Micah and I were living together and both of our moms seemed to bring up marriage the longer we were together. Obviously, we were proving to be a committed couple in that we were committed to staying together but what then? I never understood what the big deal was. I didn't get why it mattered. Marriage is just a piece of paper. (Of course, in the back of my mind I had my hopes that we would get married at some point but making my point of marriage not being a big deal seemed important at the time). A key part I never even took into consideration was not so much the politics of marriage but the idea of it being a holy institution and the religious importance marriage carried. I have also since overcome my ignorance of what the 'big deal' was all that time.
In the Bible marriage is an obligation that provides security and can not easily be abandoned. Similarly, the governmental relevance of marriage allows for the protection of rights for married couples and their children. As you're probably gathering - marriage is not to be taken lightly and it is not just a piece of paper. The way I see it now, love is essential to wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone but marriage is the promise you make, the oath you take, the commitment to that everlasting love and the declaration to stand by one another. Where does cohabitation fit into all of this? When you are married, or as Genesis describes it, "This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh" you and your spouse are beginning life as one unit. As a unit you share your parents, your siblings, your friends, your belongings, your roof, everything. Marriage indicates the beginning of life together, of living together.
I now recognize that it is immoral and, frankly, a sin for a couple to live together before marriage. I now understand why this was so important to our parents. It was easy to think, at the time, that, "We're not our parents. We're going to do things our way." How selfish I was! This had nothing to do with our parents wanting us to do what they did and that it was right to get married before living together because it was right for them in their time. This had to do with deeply rooted Christian way of life and living it to the fullest. I mean, I really thought my whole bit about changing times and that many we're moving in together before marriage was intelligent and now it just appears to be the age old, "if they jump off the bridge are you also willing to?"
This is a perfect example of what I said before and how becoming a Christian brought so much understanding. I can't go back and rearrange our marriage and move-in-together dates but I can raise my daughter with this newfound understanding and I can hopefully influence others to rethink their choice to move in with their significant other before marriage. I truly believe that more times than not a couple chooses to live together before marriage for their own personal reasoning and for a culture that often supports their decision. I see this as selfish and completely negligent of God’s word which is neither vague nor confusing on this point: A personal commitment between a man and woman is not the moral equivalent of a biblical marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment